"What Happened to You? Conversations on Truama, Resilience, and Healing" by Dr. Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey

Have read a lot of books about family dynamics and trauma.  Like, a lot.  Some are good, some are okay, some are "meh".  This one, although not perfect, easily fits into the "good" category.  It starts with a premise.  One that we don't automatically go to when dealing with people.  We see that they are messed up, perhaps, and wonder what is wrong with them.  The authors make it clear that this is the wrong assumption.  We should, instead, be asking what ~happened~ to them.

I really liked that change in viewpoint.  As one of many who spent a good deal of my life walking around feeling broken, feeling like there was something instrically wrong with who I am, it is somewhat freeing to say I am the way I am because my brain was built that way.

To back up.  Dr. Perry is a psychiatrist and neuroscientist who has studied how the brains of the very young (including infants) are altered as a result of trauma.  We like to say that kids are resilient, that the very young survive the bad stuff with little impact.  Not so, say the authors.  Dr. Perry talks about brain structure -- from brainstem to the cortex and other systems, like limbic and diencephalon.  He explains stress reactions.  How people tend to react "instinctively" to initial stressors (think "fight or flight") but those are just the instant reactions and the higher brain functions tend to kick in quickly and look at things in a more analytical way, addressing the stress appropriately to mitigate it.

Except.  If you have a child whose needs were not met, were abused or neglected, then the wiring doesn't work the way it should.  Like PTSD, kids who suffer trauma can stay stuck in the lower brain functions when dealing with conflict, and they don't get to the reasonable responses which happen in the cortex.  Instead, they often live in a hypervigilance mode, feel anxious, and are usually ready to fight or bolt.  The doctor talks a lot about children who don't do well in school and makes some good points.  The kids who act out, mouth off to teachers, get physical.  Dr. Perry says that many of them are not reacting to what is happening in the classroom but on a kind of autopilot of behavior stemming from their home life.  

This resonated with me personally, but also as a lifelong educator.  So many kids I came across who clearly had "something" going on with them.  I could see past their behavior to a deeper element driving them (took me a very long time to realize that adults were the same ... motivated by something in their personal life in terms of behaviors I didn't care for).  

Needless to say, the book rang a lot of bells for me.  I liked the physiological approach, which gave distance to see the issues with less emotional baggage.  I liked that the topics discussed were elevated but the language was simple and clear.  I liked that the chapters were short and well-structured.  It gave me lots of chances to put the book down for a bit and process what I had read before moving on.

The structure of the book is interesting.  I both liked and didn't like it.  It is truly a "conversation".  Each chapter opens with a story, either that of Oprah Winfrey or Dr. Perry.  Then, Dr. Perry talks about the science behind a reaction to an event.  Oprah interjects with clarifying questions (her text is blue, his is black).  On one hand this unique style helps draw in the reader.  You feel like you are in the room.  On the other hand, conversations tend to wander and this is no exception.  The focus moves, goes down a pathway, then returns.  There were intriguing sections and other sections I breezed through.

All-in-all, I would recommend this particular self-help book, with a caveat.  The title talks about resilience and healing.  There are small mentions of resilience throughout and healing isn't addressed head-on until the final chapters.  It's not a glowing "you'll come out of this on the sunny side of the street" ending but more of a "through understanding and effort to address things in the right order you will make progress".  So, kind of open-ended.

Here is the good news.  Oprah.  Fricking Oprah Winfrey.  Struggles.  A lot of people struggle.  Maybe more struggle than do not.  And we do, in fact, make our way through.  Gain deeper understanding.  Heal, to a point.  Work with what we've got.  And can find success, however we define that.  To that end, I felt good when I finished reading the book, although some points were painful and brought up more questions.  Overall, I'm glad that there is this kind of research, of "new thinking" about trauma which wasn't there when I was a child.  Perhaps it will help the young of today.